The Role of Sex in Intimate Relationships: An Exploration Based on Martin Buber’s Intersubjective Theory

On the basis of Buber’s distinction between “I-It” and “I-Thou” relationships, this paper explores the role of sex in intimate relationships by analyzing research in the fields of psychoanalysis and attachment theory. In the “I-Thou” relationship mode, both parties are often able to fully participate in the current sexual behavior and respond wholeheartedly. When there is incoordination (or even conflict) in sexual activities, they can negotiate sincerely, and can even repair the relationship if it breaks down. In the “I-It” relationship mode, sex exists more as a tool to achieve a certain purpose (e.g., economic guarantee, sense of security and sense of control), and the intersubjective relatedness is abnormal: either the boundary will be blurred and others become my vassal (control strategy) or I become others’ vassal (compliance strategy); or the relatedness will be cut off, leading to loneliness or false independence (avoidance strategy).