Why do you have sex and does it make you feel better? Integrating attachment theory, sexual motives, and sexual well-being in long-term couples

Attachment theory postulates that three behavioral systems are central to optimal couple functioning: attachment, caregiving, and sex. However, few studies have examined the concurrent contribution of these systems to understand sexual well-being. This daily diary study examined the intermediary role of attachment- and caregiving-related sexual motives in the associations linking attachment insecurities and positive and negative emotions during sexual activity in 149 long-term mixed-gender/sex couples. Multilevel analyses revealed that individuals higher in attachment avoidance endorsed less caregiving sexual motives, which was associated with their own more negative emotional experience during sexual activity. Individuals higher in attachment anxiety endorsed more attachment sexual motives, which was associated with their own and their partner’s more negative emotional experience during sex. However, individuals higher in attachment anxiety also concurrently endorsed more caregiving sexual motives, which predicted their own and their partner’s more positive emotional experience during sex. Overall, the findings support the associations between the attachment, caregiving, and sexual behavioral systems and suggest that engaging in sex as a way to care for one’s partner might foster sexual well-being in long-term couples.